Hari the Hadron

Monday, February 27, 2006

A GIANT WAVE OF SORROW

It struck like a Tsunami in his brain washing away his central nervous system in one stroke. It took away with it not just his life, but the very essence, the foundation, the past, present and future of my life. The heamorrhage that occurred in his brain left my whole family paralysed. True to the definition of a father, he was the pillar of strength, being the most inspirational partner in each of my quests at every phase of my life, till his last breath.

Unfortunately I could do nothing more than being a mere spectator in this final battle of his life, may be the only time he would have expected me to lend him a helping hand in his battle to survive. What an incapable and helpless son I finally proved to be.

posted by hari at 1:35 PM

24 Comments:

  • Hari, you were not a mere spectator. For him, you were his 'son' sitting next to him when he was fighting back. That would have made him happy. Imagine about a lot of people who live in far away countries, who miss the last few moments with their loved ones in times of distress and death...

    I know how lost you would feel at the moment, but cheer up... u did your duty as a son and he would right now be smiling at you!

    An extract from a poem that I recollected from the www

    ....
    ....Where are you now,
    Where did you go,
    When the body is left behind
    and the spirit is released to fly?

    Perhaps you are the morning bird
    singing joyfully at sunrise,
    or the butterfly that dances
    so carelessly on the breeze
    or the rainbow of colors
    that brightens a stormy sky
    or the fingers of afternoon mist
    delicately reaching over the mountains
    or the final few rays of the setting sun
    lighting up the skies
    edging the clouds with a magical glow.....
    .....

    - Kirsti A. Dyer

    *cheer up*

    By Blogger DreamClicks, at 12:57 AM  

  • Hari,
    I'm sorry to see your self-deprecation in the line of your post. I do not agree with you. I know you did your best and more. Your father was / is proud of everything you did for him. You relationship with your father was inspiring to me - like millions of others, a momma's boy at heart! So take heart and don't forget - he's in god's hands now!
    Be strong & take care,
    Ravi

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 3:02 AM  

  • Hari, I know that words cannot be a panacea at this time and no amount of consolation can bring him back but it is something that each one of us has to go thru sometimes and it helps to mentally be prepared for it. As my friend (who lost his elder brother early on in life) used to say, the "thing" does not go away - you just learn to "live with it". Hope time (as it is the best healer) comes to your rescue too as it does for everyone. Take care.

    By Blogger Krish, at 7:11 AM  

  • Hari, my heartfelt condolences. I know what it is like to lose a father... yes, you're helpless to stop the inevitable, but that does not make you useless. You did all you could, so take comfort from the fact that he would have known and appreciated your devotion and duty.

    By Blogger Shammi, at 8:37 AM  

  • Hari:
    What can I say except that seven years ago I was where you are now?
    Stood by my father's side and watched as the haemorrhage seeped into his system, slowly but surely taking him away...
    There's nothing much you can do, but somehow I am sure my father, even in that comatose state, must have felt somewhere deep in his subconscious the pain I felt then..
    We live, we ache and we learn...

    By Blogger Vani, at 10:21 PM  

  • dont want to be there to say sorry when we all know it wond mend anything. thats the thing of being human. but this will never be then end as you will always wake up to see a better tommorow. cherish everyone you have around you. may he be happy wherever he are.

    By Blogger gP, at 6:01 AM  

  • Heartfelt condolences Hari!

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 11:51 PM  

  • Sorry to hear about your loss Hari. Irreplaceable loss. hang in there and remain strong.

    By Blogger Unknown, at 4:39 AM  

  • My heartfelt condolences for you and your family....

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 9:08 AM  

  • heartfelt condolences Hari.

    By Blogger REFLEX, at 12:33 AM  

  • don't you worry yourself about what is beyond you hari. we can only do best what is within our realm. and i'm sure you are not lacking in that.
    hope you are doing o.k. now?

    cheers!
    ramya

    By Blogger Houseowner, at 1:43 AM  

  • Some things are beyond our control. I went thru the same phase when i lost my dad to motor neuron disease. My heartfelt condolences... take care

    By Blogger Sangeeta, at 9:20 PM  

  • Hi Hari,

    My heartfelt condolences. Some things are beyond our scope. Hope you have the strength to come thro this. Will pray for you and ur family.

    By Blogger PVS, at 7:07 PM  

  • Hi Everybody. Thanks so much for your kind and consoling words. Your words have been a great source of strength to me in this most difficult time of my life. If my father’s demise has been the greatest loss for me, your friendship and support at this moment has been the greatest gain of my life. Standing on the foundation of never say die attitude, which my father had always emphasised and practised, I would endaevour to make myself be called a worthy son of my father.

    By Blogger hari, at 1:01 AM  

  • Hari,
    I wondered why there had been no post on your blog for a while, but I did not realise that such a tragedy had overtaken you. My deepest sympathies. I can understand the loss of a father only too well. May God give you all the strength to get through these difficult times.

    By Blogger Castor aka Kiwilax, at 10:58 AM  

  • Hari,

    I am so sorry.. and ur father i am sure like all other dad's was always proud of you, so dont feel as if you let him down,because Im sure he wouldnt want you to

    Anu

    By Blogger Anu, at 12:59 PM  

  • My deepest condolences. Take care, Hari.

    And yes, I am sure whereever your father is now, he will be happy to see u taking care of ur family, and carrying on his legacy and values the way he wanted it to be. If u fail there, then u shud call urself an 'incapable' son, not before that!

    Pls do take care, and my prayers are with u!

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 1:01 AM  

  • My heartfelt condolonces about your loss Hari. Be content that your father knows how much you cared and wished you could help. May his soul rest in peace.
    My prayers are with you and your family.

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 2:21 PM  

  • An irreplaceable loss indeed. The shock and trauma of loosing a loved one is unbearable and the guilt feeling that “I” was unable to do anything to help is a hard one to forget. My sincere condolences to you. Take a couple of weeks off and be with the family. Being there with them helps a lot.
    I have recently lost my sister who has been a great blogger here and whom you all know well enough. The loss has been traumatic for me and I found that I cannot still accept the fact that she is no more. I feel like a helpless person who was unable to help her, and all I did was just being with her when she left us. Will post in my blog soon. I am unable to write at this point of time as too many memories flood me and I cannot find the “words.”
    Gather up yourself, take some time off, remember him as he would have liked him to be remembered.

    By Blogger Hari, at 3:35 AM  

  • ah but ;ife is to be lived and lost - if one is born one must go - u are not to be blamed for the course of life - remember him for the best - his last moments are to be cherished - u were never meant to change destiny just to be a part of it - take care

    By Blogger Visithra, at 7:42 AM  

  • I offer my silence as words of consolation.

    By Blogger Swahilya Shambhavi, at 6:09 AM  

  • oh god! that's extremely sad.. i know what sort of a sunken feeling it is...
    but dont punish yourself and dont chide yourself for what happened Hari... We know how much you cared for him and how much you loved him.
    A disease is a disease, designed by nature or by god.
    Simply accept the reality, honor the life he live and make that a purpose.

    A big hug!
    so Sorry
    Lavannya

    By Blogger Unknown, at 6:36 PM  

  • Hey Hari...Dont think of it in that way yaar..You were there with your dad at his mostly needed time. You were there to share his moments of distress which would have surely helped to lessen the sorrow..I can understand the moment of pain..May the Almighty give u and ur family members the strength to bear this incomparable loss..

    By Blogger Shiv, at 11:49 PM  

  • Thanks everybody for your overwhelming support and words of consolation at this time of grief. My father would definitely happy to see his son having so many great friends around.

    By Blogger hari, at 3:35 AM  

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